Yah, that didn't work out.

So...thank you all for deciding one time to follow this blog...but I failed. And failed miserably. I'm not miserable. But I did fail. But not because things I did didn't work. I just didn't work. I failed at doing at all. I'd be happier if I hadn't...failed that is...but well, I did. And man, I took some Benadryl a while ago and perhaps should have waited to do this. Looooooooop central. But my point is...please go follow my other blog - the one I've had for longer and the one I've set my sights on. I think you can click over to it from here - it's just "Welcome to Magzland". Rants and raves, thoughts and diatribes. Comments are more than welcome and I hope it blossoms. It will have a weekly update for now and I'll move it up as time progresses. One thing I can exercise well is my typing skill. Too bad you don't burn more calories. Maybe I should replace my chair with an exercise ball. Then at least I can bounce and type. Probably better for my circulation too. Okay, the Benadryl is beating me...eyes are closing...dream land coming...meet you at the featherball...

I really do love sleep

Is there a way I can NOT love sleep as much as I do? I have the most fantastic dreams, I really do - and I love, love, love my bed. I didn't love my old bed as much - and when I was a really active person, I slept on a futon. Hmmm...wonder if there's some odd connection there? Hard, not so comfy bed...out of it more often...hmmmm...my bedroom would be much bigger without the kingsize. Husband wouldn't be too happy though...

Bad info

Supercrap. My bathroom scale is somewhere between 11 and 13 pounds off. What the hell is that? I kinda suspected...but hope prevailed and easily transforms into denial. So...its basically like truly starting all over. New goal? Just get freaking healthy. No numbers of pounds. No inches. Blood pressure - OK - which today was phenomenally good at my check up - which is weird, but I'll take it! Move more, move more, move more...moving a little more every day...in what direction? Not quite sure - but moving!

Oops, it's 2010.

Crap. You know, I can't even do something I love to do (like writing) on even close to a daily basis...how could I possibly expect to succeed in doing something I do not...like breaking a sweat? Good grief. Yes, yes, health reasons and all...yadda yadda yadda. I dragged my kids out today for a good, long walk...we were gone for almost two hours out exploring trails...followed by a three-hour movie fest at the AMC...but at least we got in those two hours - so that's something right? And I did jam out in the car on the way home from the movie.

Resolutions for 2010? Um...get to this at least every other day. There's no way I will come even close to my goal, but at least it will get my writing chops back up to snuff. And of course, to compound the issue, my scale is so out of whack. Pleasantly pleased this morning, if it's correct (which it's not) it would put me at a total cumulative loss of about 25 pounds...which is sooooo not true (as based on the fittage of my pants!). Feel a little bad for my husband - who is quite proud of losing weight - and he certainly has, he can't keep his pants up! - but I'm sure he hasn't lost what he thinks. That makes me smirk just a little bit. Awful I am.

So here we go...three months left...extra time on my hands...hmmm...maybe will put to good use!

Boys suck

Sorry, guys - but ya'll make it really hard on us ladies. My husband has done NOTHING healthy for himself...well, let me correct that - okay, he has restricted himself to one plate at each meal - one heaping plate...but no seconds...but other than that - no exercise, no dietary choices, no counting...and he's lost 14 pounds in like a month and a half. And he's under medical supervision for other things - so it's not like he got some weird weight-loss disease. Grr. Not that that would make me feel any better. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's losing the weight...it's just not helping me in my quest. Selfish - absolutely! Honest, yes.

But the good news is my scale says I'm down two more pounds and into a new set of numbers in the tens column...I don't feel it, and I'm not a believer in "the numbers don't lie" because scales are simple machines that can break or misread...

In fact I feel heavier than ever - which I know is not possible, because I'm definitely not where I was. And it's the little things that remind me of that - the way clothes fit, the way jewelry fits, etc.

I had an awful lunch yesterday - and knew it when I made the choice, knew it while I was eating it, and knew it afterwards. I made much better choices for dinner - fresh veggies instead of creamed spinach, baked potato (with everything on the side) instead of garlic mashed...a 6 oz portion of steak instead of 12...but that lunch is still with me. It was a total emotional thing. I was feeling down, and in a way, I must have wanted to confirm that feeling - I certainly didn't look to the fast food as a comfort. And with each bite that tasted awful, I kept thinking to myself, why? Well, maybe that's the point I needed to reach with that.

Similar to last cigarette I smoked. Every drag was awful. The taste left on my lips stayed with me for a while, and no matter what I did - brushed my teeth, chewed gum, used lip chap - I couldn't make it go away deliberately. I carried the reminder with me for a while of the awful habit.

So maybe this is the same thing. Foods of the past just don't taste the same to me anymore. We're starting to cook more at home, healthy, really tasty choices...not necessarily less calories - but whole, real foods, no additives, no processing...other than my blender...and we're having fun. We try to make it a family event...and that makes it more enjoyable.

I'm getting there...we're getting there...I can't change my life in a day - especially if I want it to stick, and I can't beat myself up for that either.

Yeah, okay...so...I'm a little behind on my entries. But that's par for my veritable course. Not a good thing, necessarily, but typical. Hey, it took me how many tries to quit smoking?

So, I'm moving around a lot more - which is a good thing, but it's definitely still not intentional enough. I got all cocky with my Wii Fit when it concluded my Wii Fit Age to be 35 after going down from 39.

And I've cut out a lot of snacking - especially at night...lots of water. But man, I cannot kick the Diet Coke thing. For anything. I remember in high school there was a girl whose mom was addicted to Pepsi. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. And now look at me. I am drinking less of it, but I cannot shake it for anything.

I just don't get how my body can swing so drastically in a 10 pound range - almost daily. Can I really be retaining THAT much water? 10 pounds worth? And why can't it ever drain out my boobs?

I'm in the wrong place

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Florida was not the landscape for me. I can appreciate it for what it is - it has a unique beauty, and I do love the winters...but being here in the mountains of Virginia - I feel at home. I love grass I can roll around in, mountains I can climb, fresh bodies of water without the threat of alligators! I have been hiking every day of my vacation here, whether above or below ground (VA is full of easily accessible caves - and though I haven't moved to official spelunking yet, I would love to - once my body is in a place to fit through those small places!)...and I feel AMAZING. Invigorated, refreshed - the air is so clean and crisp here - I could go on for days. We're getting ready for some more hiking this afternoon, and then swimming later.

It's amazing how healthy I can be when I'm not working. No fast food, no crashing on the couch (other than after a full outdoor day), we've cooked almost every meal - and it feels so good. Somehow I need to take some of this home...somehow...