Boys suck

Sorry, guys - but ya'll make it really hard on us ladies. My husband has done NOTHING healthy for himself...well, let me correct that - okay, he has restricted himself to one plate at each meal - one heaping plate...but no seconds...but other than that - no exercise, no dietary choices, no counting...and he's lost 14 pounds in like a month and a half. And he's under medical supervision for other things - so it's not like he got some weird weight-loss disease. Grr. Not that that would make me feel any better. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's losing the weight...it's just not helping me in my quest. Selfish - absolutely! Honest, yes.

But the good news is my scale says I'm down two more pounds and into a new set of numbers in the tens column...I don't feel it, and I'm not a believer in "the numbers don't lie" because scales are simple machines that can break or misread...

In fact I feel heavier than ever - which I know is not possible, because I'm definitely not where I was. And it's the little things that remind me of that - the way clothes fit, the way jewelry fits, etc.

I had an awful lunch yesterday - and knew it when I made the choice, knew it while I was eating it, and knew it afterwards. I made much better choices for dinner - fresh veggies instead of creamed spinach, baked potato (with everything on the side) instead of garlic mashed...a 6 oz portion of steak instead of 12...but that lunch is still with me. It was a total emotional thing. I was feeling down, and in a way, I must have wanted to confirm that feeling - I certainly didn't look to the fast food as a comfort. And with each bite that tasted awful, I kept thinking to myself, why? Well, maybe that's the point I needed to reach with that.

Similar to last cigarette I smoked. Every drag was awful. The taste left on my lips stayed with me for a while, and no matter what I did - brushed my teeth, chewed gum, used lip chap - I couldn't make it go away deliberately. I carried the reminder with me for a while of the awful habit.

So maybe this is the same thing. Foods of the past just don't taste the same to me anymore. We're starting to cook more at home, healthy, really tasty choices...not necessarily less calories - but whole, real foods, no additives, no processing...other than my blender...and we're having fun. We try to make it a family event...and that makes it more enjoyable.

I'm getting there...we're getting there...I can't change my life in a day - especially if I want it to stick, and I can't beat myself up for that either.

Yeah, okay...so...I'm a little behind on my entries. But that's par for my veritable course. Not a good thing, necessarily, but typical. Hey, it took me how many tries to quit smoking?

So, I'm moving around a lot more - which is a good thing, but it's definitely still not intentional enough. I got all cocky with my Wii Fit when it concluded my Wii Fit Age to be 35 after going down from 39.

And I've cut out a lot of snacking - especially at night...lots of water. But man, I cannot kick the Diet Coke thing. For anything. I remember in high school there was a girl whose mom was addicted to Pepsi. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. And now look at me. I am drinking less of it, but I cannot shake it for anything.

I just don't get how my body can swing so drastically in a 10 pound range - almost daily. Can I really be retaining THAT much water? 10 pounds worth? And why can't it ever drain out my boobs?

I'm in the wrong place

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Florida was not the landscape for me. I can appreciate it for what it is - it has a unique beauty, and I do love the winters...but being here in the mountains of Virginia - I feel at home. I love grass I can roll around in, mountains I can climb, fresh bodies of water without the threat of alligators! I have been hiking every day of my vacation here, whether above or below ground (VA is full of easily accessible caves - and though I haven't moved to official spelunking yet, I would love to - once my body is in a place to fit through those small places!)...and I feel AMAZING. Invigorated, refreshed - the air is so clean and crisp here - I could go on for days. We're getting ready for some more hiking this afternoon, and then swimming later.

It's amazing how healthy I can be when I'm not working. No fast food, no crashing on the couch (other than after a full outdoor day), we've cooked almost every meal - and it feels so good. Somehow I need to take some of this home...somehow...

So the good news is...

Actually is a fewfold –

 

1. I bought a dress on Sunday and it was one size smaller than usual.  Oh, I now really love Target. One down, QUITE a few to go! 
2. I had a bunch of statistics done for a health assessment, and besides the obvious issue (hello, toes oh, where are you?  In my own defense, if I carried more weight away from the boobs I could get a better view), and per my online assessment I’m in excellent health.  Whoo hoo!  Cholesterol good, blood pressure good, glucose levels – all good. So that’s…good.
3. Ikea opened.  I know that has absolutely nothing to do with my health, but it brings me peace of mind.  In part because now Tampa feels a bit more civilized and current, and in part because now I can get gravlax more often (fish is good, fish is good!). 

 

Now their scale actually put me up a few pounds from my last weigh in here, but I also tried to weigh my purse (just for fun) and I couldn’t get it to work – believe you me, it’s freaking heavy.  So for consistency’s sake we’ll stick with my own, and I figure since the new purchase was a size smaller, it’s got to be at least recording a correct ratio, even if not the exact number.

 

If only my feet could get smaller again too…sigh. At least I no longer live where I have to fight the drag queens for the large size shoes.  My new post baby foot size would make it next to impossible.

So five pounds at the end of a month. Honestly, I'm a bit surprised. I didn't shoot out of the gate with the gusto I had planned, so I'm quite pleased actually. It must have been a pole dancing in Dallas. Maybe we could have a class at the Y.

Now let's see what happens if I actually put some effort into this.

I tried..sort of

So - I actually brought work out wear along with me to Dallas. It never made it out of the bag. However, I didi do a lot more walking than usual I even if just for the sheer size of the hotel complex. And I managed to keep myself to 2 diet cokes a day (it was a pepsi hotel and dcs were almost three bucks a shot! ). Maybe if .ickey d's raised instead of lowered their prices I'd stay away from that too.
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Water...sigh.

The family is indulging ina late afternoon ice cream snack. I am not. I'm drinking a big water. A big-big water. Yeah, um, it's not quite the same.
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Good day

1. I liked the scale this morning.  Though I think I need a new one.  I can go up and down 10 pounds in a day on that one. 
2. I took the time to go for a walk this morning before I went to work.
3. At lunch, I walked to a place and eat and back – about one mile altogether.
4. I didn’t have diet cola at lunch!  I had tea – ¾ unsweeted, and a quarter sweet – just to avoid the sweetner.
5. I actually felt awake at about 3:30 – usually a big crash time.

 

Good day all around.  Off to Dallas tomorrow.  All our meals are taken care of at this conference with the exception of one, so…we’ll see how that goes.  I’m assuming since it is a YMCA conference, we might just get some healthier options?  Well, it is Texas.  Yee haw!

Cookin' with Mags

I guess I'm going to have to cook. Good grief. It's the only way I'm going to be able to get a better handle on the nutrition in this house. My husband's been doing the cooking since we met - and well, as my zaftig figure attests - a damn good one. And "good" not so much in the sense of healthy. Carbs, carbs, meat, and carbs. Good for the soul, not so much for the hips, butt, thighs, waist...

Misunderstandings continue

Now, I guess I’m not sure what the phrase, “I won’t do anything to sabotage your plans,” means when a husband says it.  I thought it was pretty clear, straightforward and supportive.  And I am aware that I am in control of the choices I make, what food I put into my mouth, if and when I get off my patoot and exercise, etc.  However, I didn’t thinking baking your wife’s favorite chocolate chip cookies and cooking them just underdone, the way she likes them best makes the cut here.  I didn’t notice what was happening until I smelled them cooking.  I posed the question, “what’s up with the cookies?  They’re not exactly making this easy.” – with an assumption that he was understanding the context.  His reply was that he was making them to get them out of the house.  We had them, and there was no sense in wasting them, so he had to make them.  I’d like to note for the record that I did not buy them. 

 

This is going to be harder than I thought.  Though my husband made it clear he would not be joining me on this “adventure”, after I implored him to do so (especially after his last doctor appointment).  But he did say he would be supportive and uttered the above phrase in showing so.  No matter how much support I get at work, and even from my kids – who have been great so far, encouraging me to exercise, I guess I didn’t realize how much of an effect my husband would have on me.  It’s not like me to let anyone influence me in that capacity…or at least so I thought or would like to think about myself.  But maybe that’s one of my problems.  Well, that’s not a maybe, really. 

 

Before getting into the psychoanalytical repercussions of this realization I’ll stop for now.  And cut.

Yeeeeah, so...weigh in today. Not a change. Which in a way...is a good thing. I'd prefer to see the numbers drop of course...however, they didn't go back up - which is a plus.

I did manage in 2 hours of DDR last night. Bad mommy me wouldn't let the kids play once I got going. I finally got that heart rate up and I wasn't about to take a back seat (much less let my progress on that level get screwed up - mature, I know). I did show them how to run the tutorial and to get to their profiles so they can move up the DDRU ranks along with their mother.

Really want to get some pilates/yoga going. I miss that. Have to actually put it on my calendar to do it. Of course, it would help to keep some workout clothes in my office. I had an opportunity for a class today, but wouldn't have worked with my knee-length skirt. Put that on the agenda - workout clothes at work. To work out in. Not work in. Even though they'll be at work.

Off to bed.

Cake at work

Bad bad bad. Lots of cake. Well, “lots” is a relative term. I had a piece of “breakfast cheesecake” (about 2 inches by 2 inches – and no, it wasn’t 8 inches tall), then one of our co-workers brought in coconut cupcakes – which I didn’t even approach when I noticed the coconut (bad experience in high school with a coconut bar and vodka), but then she put one in front of me during lunch and I tried it. Needless to say, it was very good. Yeah, I ate it. But it was a small cupcake. Then somehow I wound up with a piece of strawberry ice cream cake from Cold Stone. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back everyone had cake. Like magic. I said to myself, just try it and toss it. By the time I completed the thought it was all in my belly.

All told – all three cake experiences today probably totaled one standard piece of cake (not like franchise dessert cake slices), but a reasonable piece you might expect at a birthday party.

Still didn’t need the cake. Didn’t even really want the cake. But it was darn good cake. All of them. Yah. Bad Bad Bad.

Guess I need to hit the DDR tonight!

Testing 12,26, 35

If this works, that will be pretty sweet.
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Finding Family Trends

Okay, okay - bad Mags - many missed days of updating. Probably linked to many missed days of wellness, to be perfectly honest. And my first official weigh-in - which was Wednesday - the...8th...was a whopping 3 pounds down. Some offered encouragement on the success of the loss - but honestly, knowing my body after 39 years...I could take a good dump and lose 5 pounds on a lousy day. So...we won't really be celebrating until we get into double digits.

But I have discovered a few moret things to put into my trove of info to deal with as this past week with filled with a lot of family visits with the advent of Passover and Easter: 1. no one in my family...I mean NO one I am blood related to, generationally, is into any kind of exercise whatsoever. Well - with the brief exception of my second cousin Ellen, who relatively recently became a water aerobics instructor. But she didn't start that until her mid-50s. When I suggest a walk, or anything even remotely close I'm met with...not so much of anything really.

We eat often and over great amounts of time. We drink a lot of coffee. We go "see" things. And then we eat some more. A lot of time is taken up by discussion regarding where and what we will be eating. A disproportionate amount really. And the rest of the time is filled with television and naps.

I've made a concerted effort with my own kids to not be that way. To be active, to go DO things, to be creative, to not dwell on food or food topics. But I'm feeling that I'm slowly losing that war. The more time they spend with the rest of our family the more they see that lifestyle as acceptable. The more stressed and harried my husband and I become at work, the easier it is for us to fall into that passive practice. And on goes the telly. And we decide where to eat. And we go. And come back. And on goes the telly.

But today I did finally pull out the Dance Dance Revolution mat. Now that I've got the family room set up with ample space, the proper AV, and an appalling photograph of myself taken during the egg hunt, I was motivated.

And I danced. Clumsily at first - until I figured out the settings of the game. Then I got the hang of it. Of course, I was still in my pajamas, and so had to hold my boobs for the jumps (note to self - make sure sports bra is ON for DDR!), and listen to my daughter repeatedly inquire as to why I holding them during the songs. Yeah, that was fun. But I was having so much fun that I didn't want to stop my momentum! Sugar Hill Gang is still the only song I aced, at it was at beginner level...but it's something I definitely want to do again. And it makes me sweat. Sweatings a good thing right? Good grief, I still don't like that part, but I'm learning to accept it. Like yogurt.

And I've got a couple more bugs to work out technologically - getting access on my phone and such so I can make more regular updates. Hopefully will have that done by tonight.

Off to another huge meal - for Easter Sunday...but I'm not a big ham fan, so I should be able to keep it light. And another round of DDR awaits tonight!

Oof. Saturday - didn't eat at all until noon - bad idea. Not so bad if you've been sleeping all that time, but I was at work for a special event from 8:30 AM. Had a bad lunch. I'll just put it that way. And consequently, a crappy dinner at Universal Studios. Had we not been as pressed for time I probably would have made some better choices - but again, as usual, we were running late. But I did get a kids meal - so at least it was LESS crappy food than an adult size portion.

If you haven't seen the Blue Man Group, go do it. It is phenomenal! And get your tickets through AAA - they save you $40 per ticket! Per ticket! I'm pretty convinced that between that show and the Mardi Gras parade following I got an equivalent cardio workout in. The show was interactive - and for the parade I had my 60 lb. daughter on my shoulders for almost an hour, danced with her there, AND dodged for beads simultaneously. Caught one set with my left eye. Yah, that hurt.

Sunday...Sunday...right, three medium (which I know is a relative term) banana pancakes and yes, syrup. Lunch was a ham and cheese (the thinnest sliced cheese possible - my goodness you could practically see through it - but it did offer the taste) on rye with mustard, with a handful of Sun Chips and I honestly cannot remember dinner. Oh, pasta. Right. One plate - and two meatballs. Of course, they were giant meatballs. I should have had one. Or none really. No good excuse. Exercise that day was a two mile walk.

And today I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. My daughter and I had something - I don't know what - most likely normal spring allergy exacerbated by our collective sunburns (bad mommy at the pool yesterday neglecting to sunscreen her children). Every 30 minutes I was reapplying a soothing cream to my little one's shoulders, back and cheeks today. Gosh, we both just felt like crap. We both fell asleep early the night before (usually a sign that we, as extreme night people are coming down with something), and then just whined and commiserated together today. And in feeling crappy I ate crappy. Or would that be crappily? And it made me feel even crappier. So I'm taking that as a good sign. I'm tired of feeling crappy. And I've been bummed all day about my son's bike being stolen on Sunday. From the pool. That sucks.

I know this is going to sound absolutely looney, but I swear I am allergic to exercise. Every single time I start to deliberately add more activity into my daily life I get sick about a week into it. Like it stirs up the germs. Sends them coursing through my body with all the newfound circulation, and then settles them in somewhere. I'll get past it, and then it won't happen again, but it's like clockwork. Psychosomatic? Maybe. Significant? I don't know. But definitely NOT in my imagination.

Let the bandwagon come back tomorrow. I'm back in the saddle and away we'll go! We'll update the weight thing on Wednesdays. Makes sense - two double-yous. And to use a term from way back when, that Miss Jenny reminded me of - Hump Day. We'll check in on hump day. And since we technically started on a Hump Day - then that works out well, well doesn't it?

Stay gold, people...stay gold.

Random things and a WIN

If you wash your hands with lavendar soap, and then eat string cheese...you won't do it again. Lavender cheese is very, very wrong. Got my trick to not eat after dinner!

I need to volunteer in my kids cafeteria more often. Man, they keep you on your toes. For two hours, it's kind of like those old agility drills from gym. Or some people call them suicide drills - you know where you run from one end of the gym to the other and have to touch the ground each time, and then the distance gets closer and closer. It's kind of like that. Besides the fact that it is fun...it's kinda neat to shock the kids a bit. My son is old enough now that it embarrasses him, but oh, all the better. If I can get that kid in the corner who sitting by him/herself to laugh a little, it's totally worth it.

Managed to do breakfast and lunch today for about 800 calories (look ma, I'm counting!). Of course, the fat calorie portion - yeah, probably kinda high. But I wasn't hungry! Failed on the water thing though - somehow diet cokes kept showing up - magically - in my hands.

The "win" I'm referring to was the fact that I was handed a chocolate milkshake today. A FREE chocolate milkshake. It was given to me for being nice and not verbally attacking the obviously very stressed, very upset, and in way over her head new cashier at Sonic. (I was there to get my kid a slushy!). As unstable as she seemed I didn't want to refuse her. I looooooove chocolate milkshakes.

But I didn't consume it. I drove all the way to work with it, and promptly gave it to an overly fit, young lifeguard who probably would burn it off just while drinking it. YAY for me! Oh, it's the little things.

And I did get in a really good walk tonight - instead of driving to our local favorite restaurant, I walked. A mile and a third, at a relatively decent clip (my daughter was with me and on a scooter), until she took a weird turn and somehow fell over. Though after some hugs, some encouragement, and a good pep talk, my little rock star got back on the horse, and we resumed the pace (turns out, she didn't even break the skin - good leggings, I guess). I only had two little pieces of bread (from the ends of the loaf), okay - went to town a bit on the zucchini app, chose the green salad and did the dippy thing with the dressing and fork (instead of my beloved Caesar...with the extra anchovies that our dear and regular waiter always brings me), and picked the lightest thing on their menu. No sauces. No pasta. Asparagus, fish, and a surprisingly small serving of field rice. Yes, the fish was panko breaded and fried...but hey, it wasn't my usual cheesy, saucy, super rich and decadent dish of...yore.

I will say I've been thinking about chocolate since I've come home. Not like diving into a vat of it, just a nip...but instead I'm doing the water thing. Lucky I like water. Ice cold, tall glass. I like the sound of the cubes. And the feeling as it goes through my body. Is that weird? Do other people feel it? Am I that dehydrated in general that I can feel it infusing my tired tissue? Like watching a neglected plant perk back up after a much needed watering?

Tomorrow's (or today rather) going to be a big challenge. Spending the day at a theme park. At least I'll be up and moving around for the majority of the day. It will be an interesting search for appropriate eating, since they don't allow you to bring food in (who am I kidding, as if I would ever be that prepared!). This should be interesting...

Ritual de lo Habitual

With no disrespect to Jane's Addiction - I've co-opted the title because, well, it fits.

Wow, I've always known I am a creature of habit - and have so often been diligent and cognizant about doing regular things...irregularly. I remember when I was about 25, there was this great, totally crazy older gentleman who I worked with in Seattle - he really was a kook - awesome to hang out with and listen to - but really a bit miswired. But he had some very cool truths to a lot of what he said - and one of them was about discovering if you were, indeed, a creature of habit. His theory was this (and I still don't know if it was his own, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) - if, when you take a shower, (and believe me - the most uptight of the group questioned the appropriateness of his comments in the workplace - but it never bothered me any), and you go through the same motions every time - neck, chest, arms - or whatever order is particular for you, then you are prone to habit, and not necessarily good with change. Most of us just laughed, rolled our eyes, and headed out for happy hour.

But the next morning in the shower I thought about it when I grabbed my loofah, and summarily dismissed it. But then the next day came, and the next...and I did notice a pattern. I went through the same order - not just in the shower, but from the first stumble out of bed until the moment I managed to get myself almost out the door for work. A rhythm, a pattern - whether out of comfort or ease (because I am barely awake in the morning) - it was definitely there. But I never considered myself bad with change - in fact, usually, I thought I embraced it. Without ever telling our quirky friend, I decided I would prove him wrong. And every morning I was very deliberate about every action I took. I mixed it up, wherever I could - and yes, even changing the order in which I lathered up and rinsed. I was determined to be an embracer of change, no matter how uncomfortable it made me, or unprepared later in the day (invariably I'd forget something for a while, including access cards, wallet, one earring, etc.).

The reason I bring this all up - as I'm on another quest for change, and I'm becoming painfully aware of those habits that I've established. Some subtle, some bigger. For instance, this morning, after getting both my kids off to their respective schools, I drove, practically on autopilot right over to McDonald's...a bacon and egg bagel thought so vivid I could taste it. Before I made it to the ordering kiosk, I snapped out of it and drove around and back home. I sated myself with a Lean Pocket breakfast...thing.

Later in the day, after a relatively stressful phone call with a co-worker, I immediately reached into my snack drawer for a piece of chocolate. Like a junkie I took the fix. Just one piece - and that really was all I did. It wasn't until I looked at the wrapper in my hand that I realized what had just happened (don't think me totally nuts - I knew I was eating, I'm talking about the reaction, of course!)..

And tonight, after a tangle with my daughter - actually, a number of them, and getting her off to bed, in my exasperation - went straight to the fridge, pulled out some leftover pasta and a diet coke and consumed it. Luckily, there wasn't very much in there. Maybe four or five forkfuls of penne. The comfort of it was absolutely visceral - as I settled back into the couch and savored the carbonated chaser in the pretty silver can.

I did have a light lunch (a bowl of chicken noodle soup) and drank a ton of water all day, however dinner wasn't particularly successful either - again, a combination of bad habit and stress and I was squeezed for time (my evening meeting ran later than I expected, and I had another following, and if I waited that would result in me eating after 8PM - which I didn't want to do, so I took the short cut, and did get to that Mickey D's today anyway). But I did actually look at the nutritional labels McDonald's now puts on all their products. My meal came to roughly 800 calories. Crappy calories, but doing th rest of the math in my head (which remember, I hate doing!), didn't really put me over anything in the ideal caloric intake department for the day. However, that wasn't counting the comfort pasta that would come later, of course.

I did exercise in the morning though - so I'm not beating myself totally up, (nor will you ever really see that reaction from me). So, I'm chalking this up as a discovery day. I guess it's time to change up some routines...embrace the change! Love the change! Be the change! Forgive me if I sound like one of those braying new age tele-mc-pastors...but hey, girl's gotta do what a girl's gotz ta do!

Here we go. Day one and we're off and "running." Started the day strong, but you know, starting anything like this on your birthday is kinda tricky. First off, I was taken to breakfast by my bossladyfriend - to a YUMMY restaurant, not particularly known for "light" meals. But I made some decent choices without sighing...replaced eggs with egg beaters, lots of veggies in the omelet - I didn't reach for the ketchup (holy cremoley!), didn't put jelly on the whole wheat toast - and didn't clean my plate. Okay, I did eat all the potatoes - they are awfully good. But I didn't eat all the toast, nor even the omelet. I'd say a first for me for sure. Especially from there! I drank only water with my meal, and then - stand back now...I didn't drink any diet coke until late in the afternoon! I will admit, I did knock one back first thing in the morning - but I'm not quite ready to give up all my caffeine!

Lunch came and went with no particular fanfare - sushi with NO spicy sauce...just tuna and salmon rolls - I'll figure out the count on that one and I indulged in my big fountain diet coke then.

More water.

Then, since it was my birthday and all - my family took me to a new restaurant - a Greek one, full of bechamel sauce and richness. But I think I chose pretty well considering. I had hummus, and limited my pita intake, a salad (and Mindy would be proud of my fork dipping practice, in what has to be the most awesome salad dressing ever - the kind you could almost bathe in - it's that good!), and then a broiled chicken thing with veggies and orzo. It was in a lemon sauce, but hey, it wasn't the moussaka!

More water.

I did relent on the mini tiramisu they served me in honor of the big day - I tried to only go half on it, but well - it was really good. But it was light and airy, and didn't feel that bad. At least it was a lot better than the chocolate mousse/cake thing my mother got!

And I did have a diet coke...or two-ish.

Overall - the caffeine purge is the hardest part, really. But being a habitual person, rather than an addictive one, I think it's might just be the big ol' fountain drink cups and straw that I love - not as much as what's inside it. Though I did seem to yawn a LOT today. I'm going to try starting with my morning one BAD (big-ass drink), and then just filling that with water the rest of the day. There's something oddly comforting in that straw...but man, my bladder is like the size of pea. But only with water. I could literally drink a 12 pack of diet coke and pee like twice all day. With water, it's like every hour. Hey, do the trips to the bathroom count for exercise? Maybe I should use the farther ones...hey, every step counts, right?

I dragged my mom and kids for a walk after dinner - which I'm trying to make more regular - and though it wasn't at a pace I'd prefer, it was longer than I planned, and the real bonus to that was getting my mother to walk.

And so the day comes to a close. I won't be eating anything tonight - big goal is to stop the munching after 8:00 PM. More...water...I'm sure.

This was a MUCH better birthday than my last. Rather than dwelling on my age and my mortality like last year, I'm looking forward, looking ahead - a renewal, a rejuvenation. A sense of empowerment and self-confidence...I'm feeling it brewing...

YUMMMMMMMMMMM.

Some clarification

In case anyone is worried...if I were actually able to succeed at losing 100 pounds - that would just about put me back in a size 12. I'm not looking to be a size 2 or a size 4 - or really anything in a single digit considering my height. I'd prefer to not be blown over in the wind.

I let some more folks know about this, and one thing I learned from there reactions was this: a big reason people like me fail at this type of thing is all the mass information that's thrown out at you by people who have never been like you.

Percentages, indicies, calcuations...if I liked math I wouldn't have stopped taking it after 11th grade.

Formulas, methodologies, good gracious its enough to make a girl just want to sit down with a big bowl of comfort food (insert your preferred food there).

How many hours will you work out? How many days? What type of workout? Cardio? Weights? Isometrics? Good grief people, its no wonder you don't have many more hobbies than taking care of yourself. It takes everything you've got to remember what to do!

What are you giving up? What are you changing? What's your plan? This was worse than defending your thesis.

Why does everyone make it so complicated? Less in, more out, sleep well, and move more while awake. That's my formula. That's where we're going to start. And we'll tweak as we go.

And sorry - I have one "vice" that I'm clinging to. The Diet Coke stays. I'll reduce my consumption, but it's not going away. Gosh, there are worse comfort foods for people to fight for.

Another thing I've noticed hanging around a lot really fit people...they're really intense. In everything they do. They're very stressed - whether they're aware of it or not. I guess that's why they work out so hard. To relieve the very stress they're putting on themselves. For all they do to keep themselves healthy - they're going to drop dead from the punishing stress they endure - mentally, more than physically.

If that's a requirement to be "healthy", I'll keep my jelly belly, thank you very much. I'm confident there's got to be a better way. I hope to find it!

Well, now I can say I started something - ahead of time no less. So technically, this would be my pre-countdown entry - as the official countdown will begin April 1. Here's the idea. From my 39th birthday, I have one year to get myself back into my "30" shape (or even better, really). Before my kids, before my wedding, before all sorts of life excuses got in the way and got me to where I am now.

And as I am incredibly creative and handy with excuses, I have a team of people supporting me in this effort, and hope to engender even more support. It's the accountability I need to make this work.

I'm not going to start with statistics - but suffice it to say we're going to start at 100 and work my way down from there, and see where things go. I literally am too ashamed to put the true number of my own weight down in front of me - and I don't want to be that way anymore. So, to correct that - I need to get to a weight that I can mention publicly. Make sense?

For those of you who don't me (or don't know me well) I'll create the scenario. Suburban mother of two (ages 7 and 5), married, working full-time, volunteering at school, pre-school, and with other groups, who stays up too late, watches a bit too much tv, makes some poor nutritional choices (particularly AFTER 8PM), and basically prefers not to sweat. I am 5'10", and for years got away with "being tall" or "big boned". Well, I'm beyond that now.

I am a relatively active person, however - not really the couch potato you might envision having to lose 100 pounds - I enjoy hiking, walking, biking, playing outside with my kids - and I do, but probably not enough. I'm always on the go, and don't think twice about spending the day on my feet at an amusement park or outdoor festival. And I don't complain at all after a full day of family activity. Unless there's sand involved. I will bitch about sand.

The comments of "jelly belly" and "soft mommy" have lost their charm, and the annoyance of having to sit in the designated rows for "larger" people on roller coasters have finally done me in. I used to justify it in my head for my boobs (I've always been a top-heavy, but the girls and me get along okay), but when the lap strap didn't make it across my tummy - yeah, it got me thinking.

When I realized I was calcuating in my head the weight of myself, my husband, and our two growing children (who are like bean poles - thank goodness, and may they stay that way), and if that would be okay for the sky ride - that made me pause.

When I noticed that no matter how much I pump up my tires on my bicycle it looks as though they are going flat - that made me sigh.

And yes - I even had the pant splitting moment. That really just plain sucked. In public. At a trade show. On a windy day. Why mention that fact? I had to pick up a lot of materials often. So I got my deep knee bends in for sure that day!

So here I am. Ready and willing. Maybe it will be like when I finally stopped smoking. I just had to be ready. Really ready. Willing it do it for me - not for anyone else. I managed that one cold turkey. Maybe the same will apply. Too bad I don't like turkey that much.

Here we go...